Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just high enough for therapy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Come share oat with me in your robe
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
