Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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