Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just cropdusted the office
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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