You were right. It hurts to walk today.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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