Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
