True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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