So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
