i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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