No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's shark week go big or go home
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
