no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
