i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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