I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
