he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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