I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
