Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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