Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
