Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
