Apparently you make a good broom.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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