I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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