yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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