I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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