Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
