Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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