Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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