fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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