My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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