thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
