the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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