Yo dont text me then not text me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
