did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
