I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
