NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
