I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They are going to name an STD after you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
