also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
