That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
