Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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