Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
