and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
