hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
