Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
