also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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