DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
