I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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