swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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