so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
