too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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