Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
