You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
