MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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