What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
