So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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