New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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