I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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