so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
