There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
