is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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