you traded sex for a burrito?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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