I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
