I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
