He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
