Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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